477: Becoming

What if you stopped asking, “Do you think I can do this?” and started asking, “Who do I need to become to do this?” That’s the conversation Kevin and I are having in this episode. We’re talking about how we are all constantly becoming, whether we’re intentional about it or not. Our circumstances, past experiences, injuries, relationships, and even the opinions of other people can quietly shape who we believe we are and what we think is possible.

I want to help you start looking at your running and your life differently. You don’t have to wait until you feel ready to become a marathoner, a stronger runner, a trail runner, or whatever version of yourself you want to grow into. The decision can come first, and then your actions begin to build the evidence. We also talk about giving big goals enough runway, planning ahead while staying flexible, protecting new goals when they’re still fragile, and understanding that sometimes becoming a new version of yourself means making different choices in your life.

01:37 – What Does “Becoming” Really Mean?

05:11 – When Your Circumstances Start Defining You

08:52 – “Do You Think I Can Do This?” & Borrowed Belief

12:00 – Giving Big Goals Enough Runway

14:41 – Planning Your Training When Life Changes

20:33 – Kevin's Journey From Marathoner to Ultramarathoner

25:09 – Becoming the Mom I Want to Be

28:00 – Becoming a Business Owner & Choosing a New Path

29:22 – Why I’m Choosing to Become a Trail Runner

31:45 – The Real Time Commitment Behind Big Goals

32:28 – Choosing Before You Feel Ready

33:45 – What Kevin Didn't Expect About Running 100 Miles

36:23 – Borrow Belief, Then Make It Your Own

40:58 – Protecting a New Identity & New Goals

45:17 – How Growth Can Change Your Relationships

49:31 – Choose Your Identity, Then Let Your Actions Follow

55:46 – Adjust Without Quitting

57:02 – The Power of Intentional Becoming

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Transcript

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Angie 0:01

Welcome to the Running Reconnected podcast, episode number 477. Today we're talking about becoming, and this episode was sparked by a couple recent conversations that we have been having with some of our clients inside of our membership. And I think it's something that all of us need to hear, and it applies to every single one of us, including Kevin and I. And so today we're talking about intentionally becoming the person that you want to be and the runner that you want to be, and how you know whether or not you're doing that intentionally or unintentionally, and how to fix it. So stay tuned. what's up, Kev? Welcome to... And what's up, listeners? Welcome back to the Running Reconnected podcast. Kevin, this is your first episode now that we've rebranded.

kevin 0:51

I know. I, I got sick, you had an interview, I came back, and it's like we- we've moved all the furniture.

Angie 0:57

We I mean, that's not that far off compared to things that have happened in our personal lives in the past. Kevin, you guys, is great. this is a total aside, but I am definitely the kind of person that just decides one day that I wanna, redo things, and he doesn't usually ask many questions. He's usually "Okay, what are we doing?" He, comes in, he's like, "What do you need my help with? What are we doing?" It- it's fantastic. You just jump right on board.

kevin 1:21

No, when you decide there is going to be a big thing changing in the house, I've decided that I'm not getting anything done today. We're changing the house. That's- that is the plan for the day.

Angie 1:29

Yeah. We haven't done that too recently. I guess with my office. So we've, we did it, that was just a few months ago maybe. What, six months ago maybe?

kevin 1:36

Something like that.

Angie 1:37

Yeah. I think a little less, but anyway. So today we're talking about becoming, Kevin. So when I first proposed this idea for the episode to you, I'm like, "I wanna do an episode about becoming," what was your first thought? Did you even know what I was talking about?

kevin 1:52

Yeah, I just thought it sounded like a really broad topic.

Angie 1:54

Yeah.

kevin 1:55

I was like, okay, be- becoming in, in what, what direction are we taking this conversation? Yeah. Because you could go really wide on this. And I like the idea of intentionally becoming. Because we are all becoming at all times, but the idea is are you intentionally following a path that you'd like to be taking? Yeah. Or are you just kinda going with the flow and changing as, as the wind blows you?

Angie 2:18

And I think that's really important for us to think about, because how often do we really think about this idea of becoming, of intentionally becoming the person or the runner that we want to be? And one of the things that sparked this for me as an idea for this week's podcast are just some recent conversations that we've been having with some of our clients inside the team. And I'm not gonna name any names, and if you guys are inside the team, you might, you probably understand who I'm talking about. and shout out to those amazing people for being open to coaching and all of the good things. And the questions that these people have asked and that we've had discussions about really are questions that are very universal that I have heard from so many people throughout the years, and from so many clients and other people throughout the year. Both people that I've coached and just friends or other people that I haven't been coaching. So- One of the things that s- there, there's a couple questions. one of them is, this whole idea of, do you think I can really do this? And then the other question was, I don't know how much I'm going to be able to fit in when I'm out of town. And so those are what sparked the questions for this episode. But I think it's first important, before we dive into what we said and how we answered those questions, to really get clear on this idea of becoming. 'Cause like you just said, Kevin, becoming is always happening, and I don't know how many of us are actually thinking about that and realizing that this is what's constantly going on in our life. We don't just arrive one day at a finished version of ourselves. Life is this constant process of becoming, of growing and evolving and shedding old versions of ourselves and building new ones. It never stops. And I don't know how many people really think about it that way versus, this is just who I am. this is m- this is me. I'm this person. This is the person that I have always been, this is the person I will always be," and that's, it's more of just this persona that is fixed and set in stone.

kevin 4:22

Yeah, and one that you can, you can mold around the edges Like you can make small tweaks to it- Yeah but the core of who you are is a fixed position, and then you can slightly adjust, contours on the outside. which is not true. you could completely overhaul and go in a completely different direction down your life. the people that are like, "You know what? Brand new job. I'm quitting this job and going a completely different direction." You don't have to be like, "All right. I've always had this job. What if I had a job that was slightly adjacent to it?" you could just veer, and you can do this- in all areas of your life. You can make- Yeah a massive veer. It's allowed, but most people are like, I could take a small step from where I am." The bigger leap in a different direction is a far more frightening proposition.

Angie 5:07

and I think that it's important to realize that we are all constantly becoming. The problem that I often see, and this is the same problem that I've had in the past before I made this realization as well, is that most people are becoming, but they're doing it unintentionally. They're just allowing their circumstances to dictate who they are and how they act and what is possible for them. So the job that they've had, that shapes them. The relationship that they have, the marriage, that shapes them. Who they are in their family unit, that shapes them. The injury in your running, that shapes you, or the pain, that chronic pain that you've had for a very long time, that just becomes a part of who you are. And they allow all of these external circumstances to just shape them and dictate the person that they are, or their past circumstances to dictate them. And so many people never actually stop to ask themselves, "Is this the person that I'm choosing to be? Am I choosing this intentionally, or am I just like you said, going with the flow and just becoming this person that I'm not really choosing?"

kevin 6:17

Yeah, and I- it's the, the sort of label that you've put on yourself for so long. like middle child syndrome. When people are in their 40s, they can probably get over the idea of middle child syndrome.

Angie 6:30

Yeah.

kevin 6:31

That, that has a bigger aspect when you're dealing with, five, seven, and nine. Sure, you're a middle child, and there's gonna be some attributes of it. But when you're dealing with 45, 47, 49, I think y- maybe you could leave that behind. Maybe that is a label that you could shed,

Angie 6:48

maybe not.

kevin 6:50

I'm, I- I'll ask my

Angie 6:50

sister.

kevin 6:53

I did not name names. I just- I

Angie 6:55

know, but I'm an eldest- theoretically I'm an eldest daughter, and I feel like that very much has shaped who I am, and there's definitely personality traits that come with that. But like you said, I then choose if I'm gonna continue those personality traits or if I'm going to try to shift them. So I think as runners, it can show up in a lot of different ways a- as well, right? unintentional becoming as runners could be staying in that same training rut because this is just what I do, or i- I've been running half-marathons for the last decade. I guess I'm just gonna keep running half-marathons. It could be, not signing up for a race because I'm not someone that races, or I'm not somebody that does that kind of thing. It can ask, "Do you think that I can do this?" Instead of deciding, "I'm going to do this. Help me figure out how." It's-

kevin 7:45

Yeah, because that do you think I can- Yeah takes all of the burden off of yourself.

Angie 7:50

Yeah.

kevin 7:50

if you ask somebody else, "Hey, do you think this is possible?" And they say yes, and it doesn't go through, it automatically gives you a person to blame. If you choose, this is what I'm gonna do. This is the route I'm going down," and it doesn't work well, okay, one, it doesn't mean that you've made it to the end of that route. That- that's in all likelihood what's happened. If you're like, I'm gonna be a marathoner now," and you go to your first marathon and you DNF the thing, that doesn't mean you're not a marathoner. That means you didn't make it to the finish line of that race. Yeah. That just means that path is further, but you've gotta keep going down that thing. But a lot of people are like, "Do you think that's even something I could try?" Gives them an external person that if it doesn't play out right- they could then point to that person. I think that unintentional allows, allows you to say that there are these external circumstances, and my success is caused by those. So I need all of everything to line up correct in the outside world for me to be able to do anything correctly

Angie 8:47

Maybe. And I, but I also think it, it can be a lack of belief in yourself, and so you're looking for that belief from other people. And I think, this is one of the questions that spurred this episode, is we got this question on our coaching call, I don't know, in, within the past couple of weeks, from one of our members that specifically asked me, "Do you think I can do this?" "Here's the... I have this race coming up, and then I have a race coming up a couple months later. Do you think that I'll be able to improve my time?" And I looked at the person and I said, "100% I think you can. there's no doubt that I think that you can do this." But there's so many times that has happened in the past. I r- I can think of and remember specific other members asking, thinking that they wanna sign up for a race, they wanna try their first ultra, they wanna do their first half-marathon, and just asking, "Do you think that I can do this?" And I don't think it's necessarily that they want someone to blame if it doesn't go well, I just think that they haven't developed that belief in themself yet because they use their past circumstances to determine what is possible in the future. And that's actually a conversation we had, inside of our membership as well this week, is where are you us- where are you making your decisions from? Are you using your past to determine your future, or are you making your decisions from your future to help you figure out what to do now? But that's not really what we're talking about right now, but that's another great conversation to have. I think it's just that this idea of, is it okay for me to have this desire? Is it okay for me to want more? Is it okay for me to dream bigger and believe that this thing is possible for me right now? And any time anyone asks me that, my answer is always yes, because I truly believe that if you have a desire, a real desire to do something, then the possibility is already there. And sometimes people just need someone else to believe in them and to tell them that thing is possible for them to then borrow that belief and start to believe it themselves.

kevin 10:54

Yeah. Borrowed belief is great. And you are wonderful at providing that. It, it did create a challenge when I decided that I was gonna change and start running 100-mile races- instead of 26-mile races, because you fully believed I could do it.

Angie 11:09

Yeah.

kevin 11:10

I'm not sure how much of you wanted me to do it from a health perspective.

Angie 11:15

Yeah.

kevin 11:16

And so you had this weird combo of, supporting me, fully believing that I was capable of it, but also thinking, "But m- maybe he'll start trying it and he just won't like it."

Angie 11:26

Yeah.

kevin 11:27

And then he'll stop doing that."

Angie 11:30

And here we are four later, and you're still going.

kevin 11:34

Yeah, I know, and you're looking things up on a calendar.

Angie 11:36

I know, but that's later in our discussion. So I truly believe that, and I want all of you to hear, if you have a question in your mind right now, if you are considering doing something in your running life or just in your regular life as well that is outside of what you're currently capable of, maybe you've never done that thing before Maybe it's a race distance, maybe it's a PR that you'd really like to hit, maybe you're just shooting for something big in your life. If you have that desire, that thing is already a possibility for you. You just have to take the right steps to get there and allow yourself the right timeline, 'cause that's another big thing that a lot of people get wrong, is the timeline. They try to rush the timeline to get to those results as quickly as possible, and when they don't w- achieve that thing, then they say, "Oh look, it's not possible." And then they use that as evidence and proof that thing is not possible, when in reality, maybe they just didn't give themselves a long enough runway.

kevin 12:32

Yeah, almost always it's the lack of runway. Of, "Here's a huge goal I'd like to achieve, and I'd like to do it in the next three months."

Angie 12:38

Yeah.

kevin 12:39

If it's a super huge, I-don't-know-if-this-is-possible, I-have-to-borrow-somebody-else's-belief-style goal-

Angie 12:45

Yeah

kevin 12:46

a 90-day window is probably not correct timeline. So that, that does make it a little tricky, and that's, so often with our high school cross-country kids, they come up with goals and they're like, "Coach, do you think this is possible?" I'm like, yes, but that's mainly because you're a freshman." And in theory, we've got four years of working together, so yes, I think that goal is possible. I'm not sure that goal is possible in the next two months that we have of this season- but this is a goal that you should still have in mind."

Angie 13:11

yeah. And so I think that's really important if that's you, right? in this process of becoming, believing in the possibility of the f- person that you want to become, of the thing that you want to b- to achieve, is vital. Because without belief and without an intentional decision to do that thing and to become that person, then it won't be possible, right? But you have to have that belief, even if it's a sliver of a belief that you can then water, like a little seed, right? a little belief seed. You can plant that seed and you can water it with time and with consistency, and you can show yourself every single week that you go out and you get those miles in, every single strength tr- training session that you do, you're building and you're watering that seed, and you're building that belief in yourself that thing is possible. And you're intentionally becoming the person that is going to be able to achieve the goal that you want to achieve. You're not just going to automatically become that person. But it is a very conscious, intentional decision at the beginning.

kevin 14:12

Yeah, no, very conscious because you can't just have a belief in your goal and then not put in the steps to get there.

Angie 14:19

It's

kevin 14:19

"Here's the goal that I want, and I'm gonna think about it really hard." that's not- Yeah how manifesting works. you can't just think really hard about the goal and then never do actual physical steps in the real world.

Angie 14:29

Yeah.

kevin 14:30

The goal's not coming. The goal's not coming just 'cause you want it badly enough. That's just not how it works. If you want it badly enough, it will spur actual actions in the real world. But you're right, you have to have that belief first, otherwise why bother doing the actions?

Angie 14:43

And then the second coaching conversation that we had that spurred this episode was a member of ours that is going to be away from home for an extended period of time, and she was go- she's going away for a few months, and during our coaching call she was very uncertain and said, I'm just not sure what I will be able to get in during this time." And she's very, she was talking about all the things that she was gonna be doing while she was away, and the circumstances are real, right? The, she's gonna be in a different location, a different schedule, a different environment with s- less control over everything. But I challenged her on that call, and like I normally do because whenever I see somebody coming in with like this limited belief in what's possible, I like to just challenge it. I'm not, and I never tell people that they're wrong, but I just ask questions to help them start to think about things in a different light. And the framing here w- was the issue. Sh- in her mind, she was gonna go into this situation and she was prepared to let the circumstances decide. I don't know what I will be able to get in because I'm not sure what my days are gonna look like, and I'm not sure this, and I'm not sure that, and so I'll just be able, I'll s- kinda have to get in whatever I'm able to get in. And that means that when, if she was going into that circumstance with that mindset, then the circumstances were always going to win, right? She was already putting the circumstances as the driver of whatever it is she was going to be able to do. And so I just questioned her and I said, "Well- What if you decided ahead of time, right? you're gonna be, in this other location, yes, but what can you control? What time will you have? because can you decide ahead of time what you want your training to look like? And if that means that you w- want your training to take a backseat so that you can spend more time with your family, that's fine. Just make that decision consciously and intentionally. if you want to put things, cut back on your mileage, cut back on your strength training, if that's the intentional decision that you want, totally fine. But just make that decision ahead of time versus going into those, that time period just saying, I'll just get in whatever I can."

kevin 16:56

Yeah, this happens to me very often if we go on vacation. Where I'm always like, "Hey, I'll see if, I'll see if I can fit anything in." And you're like, "No, which- Yeah,

Angie 17:04

you drive me crazy.

kevin 17:05

I know. But you always respond with, "Which days do you want to run?" Or sometimes you'll say, "How many days do you wanna run? We're gonna be gone for seven. How many of those days would you like to run?" and we've had different podcasts on a topic like this, and it's like, I would like to do six of them, but I don't think that is going to work given the scenario. I'm willing to lower it- and still be happy if I got in four." And so then it's like, okay, now, how do we fit in four? And if, then we're in the, the scenario where the circumstances can maybe they provide, maybe they don't. But if I get, I block out four, and then if the circumstances work out that I can get a fifth, that's a bonus. Didn't start from, I'm gonna start at zero, and every day I'll just see if things drop in my lap where I can go out and get in a run. Because there's always gonna be something that comes up-

Angie 17:53

Yeah

kevin 17:53

where you can be doing something rather than heading out the door and getting your run. There's always something.

Angie 17:58

yeah, especially when you're not at home or you're on vacation or you're doing other things, you have a different schedule. But there's a big difference between I'll see what I can get in, which is a very, passive, led by the circumstances, low-accountability way to approach the situation, and it almost always produces less than possible, less than what's possible, versus I've decided I'm going to do X, and I'll adjust as needed. Because like you said, everything, we have to be flexible. We can't be rigid with it. Because if you go into a circumstance like a vacation, and we've all, had things where we've gone on vacation, we've decided, if we're gonna work out or if we're not gonna work out, if we're running, if we're training And things don't usually go exactly the way we want them to. Even if you had a plan, maybe you wake up and it's lightning outside, right? And like that, that happened to us when we were in the mountains. There was, there were storms outside, and all of a sudden you were planning on going for a run, but y- you couldn't because there was lightning. It wasn't just rain. There was lightning. You can't go out and be unsafe like that. And so you make the decision ahead of time of this is what I'm going to do, and I'm going to adjust if I need to and not be mad about it. Because when you're so rigid and you're holding on with like a death grip onto your training plan and things don't go r- the way you plan them to, which they often don't, then there's anger, there's disappointment, there's all sorts of other negative emotions that are not necessary for you to experience versus that flex- having that flexibility that's going to allow you to like, "Okay, I'm just not, it's not gonna work out today, but I'm gonna make sure that I get it in tomorrow, and I'm, here's how I'm going to adjust if weather doesn't cooperate or if this doesn't cooperate." you can have a backup plan, too.

kevin 19:42

Yeah, but there's a difference between the plan and the adjustment and the backup plan, and I love the, the metaphor that you have here. Literally handing the pen to your circumstances and allowing them to write whatever story comes to you. And then you look down, you read the story, you're like, "That's not the story I wanted to write." then maybe you should have been holding onto the pen. you don't have to y- it's not a death grip on the pen. but you've got an idea of the story, and maybe that chapter works its way into a few extra pages. But you're still holding the pen.

Angie 20:13

Yeah.

kevin 20:13

as soon as you give up full control of the pen, you can no longer complain about the story being written.

Angie 20:20

Yeah, and I think that's the difference, right? Of whether or not you let your circumstances decide who you're becoming and what you're training for and what you're capable of, or deciding ahead of time and saying, "Okay, this is what I'm doing," and then of course I'll adjust if I need to. And I think this is, a good time to really talk about our own becoming, right? because you and I have both made these decisions in the past. I'd love for you to talk about your decision. you started to, you touched on it already a little bit, of becoming an ultra-marathoner, right? you were someone that's run... Y- you have been someone that has run your entire life since you were 14 years old, and for a while you were a certain kind of runner, and then you decided to run marathons, and then you decided from marathons you were gonna become an ultra-marathon runner. And not just an ultra-marathon runner, someone that ran 100 miles, right? There's a lot of distances in between there that you skipped.

kevin 21:13

I ran several of those distances, but the first time that I stuck, a number on my chest and said, "Yeah, ultra" I jumped from 26 to 100. S- I did the... I have a finish line, 'cause our daughter made me one of the, like, neighborhood 50K, and I think I did a neighborhood 50-miler.

Angie 21:29

Yeah.

kevin 21:30

I have the finish lines hanging in my classroom. But yeah, it was a, a complete change, and I had to take more control over the circumstances. You helped me with that one, because you said on my opening, ultra, there was, like, Key West was gonna be late spring was the timeline on that race. And you were like, "There's no way that you can take care of yourself, put in the training you need to, and coach the track seas- coach during the track season."

Angie 21:56

Yeah.

kevin 21:57

And so it was like it... And you were completely right. that lineup did not make any sense, so I had to adjust the circumstances because I literally couldn't... I could not train with the idea of, oh, I'll fit things in around practice when it works out, because that's not going to play out. I could get in some miles. I could reasonably train for a 5K trying to fit things in- and run during practice sometimes, whatnot. But you're like, "No, you are gonna run 100 miles in this-" And

Angie 22:26

you've never done it before either. You've

kevin 22:28

never

Angie 22:28

done it. that, that was the other big piece of that one, because you had never done it before, so you genuinely don't even know what this training is like or how your body's going to respond to it.

kevin 22:38

And I think that was the biggest, is how is your body gonna respond to it? And- I had looked more into what that training was gonna look like, and I'm like, it- I don't think it's gonna be that massively different than training for a marathon. It's just that my training block was gonna be a little bit longer than I normally put in for, a marathon-specific training block.

Angie 22:57

But

kevin 22:58

you're right. I had to take control of the circumstances and not just be like, "All right, I'll fit it in around, around track practice."

Angie 23:04

Yeah. And I think that's something that people- are sometimes unwilling to do, right? They wanna try to fit in these big goals and not change their life. they wanna be able to go out and run marathons and set PRs, but they still wanna be go- going out to the bars with their friends on Friday nights, and if you're, over the age of 22, that just doesn't work out. That

kevin 23:24

is, that is totally correct, but the same thing happens as soon as you start having kids and you're like-

Angie 23:29

Yeah

kevin 23:29

Okay, I need to get up early and do my training, but I was up..." if you got little kids, I got up twice during the night, and now I'm supposed to get up at 5:00 when my alarm goes off? I just went to bed at 4:00." Yeah. that is a tough training schedule. So do you need to adjust your training goals then? it might not be the time to be chasing PRs.

Angie 23:50

Or, if you have teenagers that decide that they... I shouldn't s- say decide. Teenagers that are very busy with extracurricular activities, they've got school and extracurriculars, and then they have to come home and do homework, and then you wanna have a little bit of time with them. You wanna connect with them a little bit, and then all of a sudden, the time to talk to them is, 10:00 PM, 10:30 at night. It's time, now it's time to have emotional talks with them and stay up till 11:00, 11:30. there's things that need to be adjusted. Again, but those are, those can be conscious decisions, too.

kevin 24:21

it's a conscious decision. do you wanna spend the time talking to your teenager-

Angie 24:25

Yes

kevin 24:25

or do you want to get in that extra hour of sleep-

Angie 24:29

Yeah

kevin 24:30

because you're getting up at 5:00 the next morning?

Angie 24:32

And- Yeah, and I think it, it changes, right? it can change day to day of, of- It can change what that decision is.

kevin 24:37

But it has to be a conscious decision. Otherwise, you're gonna be upset that the decision's getting made for you. And whichever thing you're choosing to skip, if you're not choosing it, if you're like, you stay up, and then you still get up in the morning, and you're exhausted, and the run goes terrible, or you're just like, "You know what? Go to bed whenever you go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed," and then you get up and you feel fine on your run, but the whole time on your run, you're thinking about the conversation you didn't have the night before.

Angie 25:03

Yeah.

kevin 25:04

You have to choose which thing you're going to do- and y- it's probably not both.

Angie 25:09

Yeah.

kevin 25:10

Take control of the decision.

Angie 25:12

Yeah, and that's my becoming a mom right now, and becoming a good mom, becoming the mom that I want to be. It's constantly changing, right? This whole idea of becoming is a constant evolution. Becoming a mom and becoming a good mom to five-year-olds, a five-year-old and an eight-year-old looks much different than a 14-year-old and a 17-year-old. And I have to constantly be changing of, what my definition of a good mom is, and what kind of time commitment and things that I'm putting into this, too. And this actually just happened to me last week. I was having one of these nighttime conversations with our daughter, and it was late at night, and I had a run the next morning, and I decided I was gonna do both. I was going to stay up and talk to her in the way that I needed to, and I knew I was gonna be tired the next morning, but I also decided that I, after that run, I did have some time in my morning before work started that I would be able to get in a little nap, and that's what I did. So that was an intentional choice. I was gonna be able to stay up with her If my run suffered the next morning, I was gonna be okay with it, and then I was gonna come home and take a l- a short nap to try to recharge myself, and then go o- go about my day, right? Or there's gonna be other times where I'm going to choose to stay up with her and forego my early morning run. Or like you said, decide I'm not gonna spend as much time in her room, and I'm going to go to bed instead because the, maybe I have a, a longer run or a harder run coming up. And I think that as long as we can make those choices consciously and intentionally, then we can release the guilt that comes along with it, or at least most of it

kevin 26:48

That's, I think that's the thing, is make the decision, and then once you've decided, there's no reason to then dwell on this, the decision.

Angie 26:55

Yeah.

kevin 26:56

And I think it's the dwelling where the guilt comes. You make the decision, you weighed both sides- Yeah and you're like, "This is the decision that's gonna get made."

Angie 27:03

Yeah, and then you came in and you were like, you were annoyed, 'cause you like wanted to go to bed. And I'm like, go ahead, babe. Go to bed. we're good. We're good here."

kevin 27:10

I know. I was sick, and I wanted to go to bed, but I didn't wanna be like in there asleep when you came back to bed, and "All right, at least he got to sleep." so I felt bad about that, but I also just felt like just awful all last week.

Angie 27:21

Yeah. So- But also, I wasn't gonna be upset with you, right? So you had made up this story in your head that I was going to be annoyed that you didn't come save me.

kevin 27:29

Obviously.

Angie 27:30

But that's exactly where I wanted to be.

kevin 27:32

Yeah. But we all make up whatever story in our head, and it usually fits our own best narrative. Not anybody else's. It fits ours. I was g- I was going to stay up and wait for you to come to bed, and so I was going to help, like relieve you of the conversation so we could all get to sleep. N- none of that needed to be happening. No. No. I just needed to close my eyes and go to bed.

Angie 27:53

No, and then you came in and made a comment, and caused a new spiral that lasted another 15 minutes.

kevin 27:58

Yeah, no, I made everything worse. And ultimately, I ended up going to sleep. a- and so the end of it was- when you came to bed, I was completely asleep. I screwed it up, and I still got to the same decision of by the time you came to bed, I was passed out,

Angie 28:13

All good. All good. But I think it's just important, right? there's lots of decisions I've made in my life about who I wanted to become. when I made the decision to become a business owner, I decided, I should say that, that came after wanting to be a mom and wanting to be a good mom, and then deciding what kind of a mom I wanted to be and what kind of- Yeah lifestyle I wanted to provide for our kids, and how available I wanted to be for them. That was one of the decisions that led me to want to become a business owner, along with my other desires to help more people and have more freedom. but I had to make those decisions ahead of time. when I cho- chose to kinda transfer from in-person PT to online coaching, that was a shift for me, too. But a- all- again, all of these different things were intentional decisions of who I wanted to become. I made that decision, and then the actions followed after that, not the other way around. And then those i- actions then reinforce the person that you're becoming. I think that's really important, because a lot of times people think that they're not becoming a person until they're doing the actions of that person, when it of- oftentimes is the opposite. Like you make that decision first And then the actions flow from that decision that you made. one of the new things that I've decided is that I want to be a trail runner, and I really like trail running. W- we went on that mountain run in North Carolina, and I've been wanting to be, do more trails. but my circumstances, my current circumstances of living in South Florida, and we live in an area where there's not a ton of trails around us. There's some walking paths and stuff, but they're, a lot of them are less than a mile long. So I'd have to do a lot of loops on those trails if I were gonna use those as running paths. But I decided I wanna do this. And so I've gotta figure out how to make that happen because I feel like this is something that has been on my heart that I, hasn't really gone away, and so I'm gonna decide first, and now I get to figure out how to make that happen.

kevin 30:15

Yeah, I like that you used the phrase, "There's not a lot." There are no running trails near us.

Angie 30:21

Yeah, it's not... there's that one area, but it's sugar sand, in the scrub.

kevin 30:25

not a running trail.

Angie 30:26

Yeah, it's not a, it's not a co- not a very good, not conducive to trail running.

kevin 30:31

it's not really a running trail- Yeah and it's remarkably short.

Angie 30:35

Yeah,

kevin 30:35

So there, there just aren't really running trails by us.

Angie 30:38

Yeah, we'd have to, I'd have to drive, and I think that's a big piece of it, right? I can't just get up and head out the door and hit a trail within a couple minutes, within 10 to 15 minutes. I'd have to actually drive and make an outing of it.

kevin 30:50

Which, I always am like, "Oh, man, that was so nice when I lived in Calif-..." Yeah. No, like a quarter mile from my parents' house, I could get into a very, very small park. And I could do loops inside of this park, but that loop is, a half mile. If I ever wanted to do actual trail running, I still had to get into a car and drive. I didn't have to drive that far. I could drive a couple of miles. But to go to my favorite trails, I had to drive 30 minutes. Which is a trail that, that I've still never taken you on, and we've gone to California many times.

Angie 31:18

Thanks a lot

kevin 31:19

I, I mention it almost every trip, and then we end up in Tahoe instead. So which also beautiful trails up there. Also

Angie 31:27

good.

kevin 31:28

but yeah, it's, it's going to be an interesting journey of you becoming a, a, a trail runner. and it's gonna have to be a very conscious decision to go out of your way to find trails to run.

Angie 31:39

Yeah, and take the time that it's going to do for that as well, and that's similar to your decision to become an ultra-marathoner, don't you think?

kevin 31:47

Yeah. There's, when training for a marathon, there was always a weekend long run, and when training for an ultra, when it gets ramped up, there are double weekend long runs. It's like, all right, I'm gonna go on a 20-miler, and then I'm gonna go on another 20-miler tomorrow. that's just a, that is a whole different time commitment.

Angie 32:02

Yeah.

kevin 32:03

And when people start getting into these, if the do you think I can goal is a distance they've never covered, part of what that is how am I possibly going to fit that training- into my current schedule? Like, where am I gonna come up with these extra three to five hours during the week?

Angie 32:20

Which,

kevin 32:21

which is tricky and you have to actually put the conscious effort of how am I going to find that time? Where is that time coming from?

Angie 32:28

Yeah, and again- It starts with a decision, right? And this is what intentional becoming actually looks like. it starts with a decision. It doesn't start with a plan or a goal or a resolution. It's just one simple decision about who you are and who you're choosing to become in this process. it might start with "Oh, I want to do that thing. Oh, I wanna run a half marathon." In order to run a half marathon, you have to become an ult- or a half marathoner, right? In order to run 100 miles, you have to become an ultra-marathoner. In order for me to do a trail race, I have to become a trail runner before I actually do that race. And so that decision precedes the capability. you're not actually capable of the thing when you make the decision, and that's the interesting part of all of this, right? You don't wait until you feel ready. You just decide, and then readiness has to follow from that.

kevin 33:19

Yes. Yeah. That one's a lot of the, jump and build the parachute on the way down. Is that the-

Angie 33:25

Yeah, or jump and the net will appear. That's the other one, too.

kevin 33:28

Yeah, jump and the net will appear. Ju- I, yeah, but it's like-

Angie 33:32

Yeah

kevin 33:33

But that first jump is real frightening.

Angie 33:35

It can be.

kevin 33:36

and hoping that you'll be able to, that the net will appear- or that you will have time to create the wings on the way down is tricky when it is something that is so different from what you've done. you keep throwing this back to me of running 100. To me, 100 was not as big of a shift from running a marathon.

Angie 33:55

Okay.

kevin 33:55

it was similar and just a lot more of it.

Angie 34:00

then what would be the bigger shift for you?

kevin 34:02

No, that's what I thought it was going to be.

Angie 34:04

Oh.

kevin 34:05

I didn't think that running 100 was gonna be drastically- Oh, gotcha different than running a marathon. That's why when you were like, "Oh, we gotta completely change things, and y- you shouldn't be coaching the track for the season and all these things," I'm like, it's, I'm gonna go further, but, Four times

Angie 34:22

further.

kevin 34:23

Yeah. But I'm like, but it's gonna be at a much slower pace, and I didn't realize all of the other things- that were gonna be involved in being out there for so long. the level of practice of hydration and how to take in food and what food is even gonna work, and do you gonna have to carry a pack, or do you even have to? Like, all of the other stuff that came with it, not to mention the mental capacity to be out there for over 10 hours. I, once, once you seem to clear 10 hours, it's like, all right, and now I've reached ludicrous mode, and my head is coming up with all sorts of different thoughts. That's the bonkers piece to me. And I was like, "No, I'm just, I'm literally just going out there and running more." Like, when I run a marathon, there is a chunk of time where my brain is telling me, "You can't possibly do this." This is the same for, any race. You run a 5K, there's a chunk of time where your brain's telling you, "You can't do this. Slow down. You're gonna die." In a 5K, that lasts for a few minutes- and then you cross the finish line In a marathon, that could last for an hour, depending on your pacing, couple hours. In an ultra, that thought of- I should stop, I should walk, I sh- this was a terrible idea, what if I die, is going to last for over 12 hours.

Angie 35:43

A half a day.

kevin 35:48

and you have to be able to continuously come up with an answer to that- Yeah of why should I not just stop and lay down on the side of the road? Somebody from an aid station will scoop me up, and I will eventually be back and safe. and I did not realize how big of a change this was when I did it. It was something I wanted to do. It was something I wanted to explore. I'm so glad that I did it. I just didn't realize how big of an exploration it was, which is so weird because the main reason I wanted to do it was to simply explore.

Angie 36:20

Yeah.

kevin 36:21

And I just didn't realize how deep the cave was that I was

Angie 36:24

exploring. Yeah, and I think that really points to the readiness piece that we were just talking about, too. In your case, ignorance is bliss, right? you weren't even prepared for it, but I think that there's a lot of people that would look at that, I don't think, maybe I'm off on this and our listeners can reach out and let me know if they agree with me or with you, because I don't think most people would approach 100 like you of "Oh, yeah, it's not much longer than a marathon." it's four times longer. what the heck are you talking about, right? so in a way it was good for you that you didn't realize what a big change it was because it allowed you to go into it actually feeling ready, but I think there's a lot of people that feel like that readiness is in question, right? and what I was just mentioning is the, the readiness doesn't need to come first. W- you, the, the decision comes first, right? And I think that's where this permission piece comes in that we were talking about earlier in the episode of so many people need permission. And it's not n- maybe permission, I think, is the wrong word. I think it's just belief. I think it's having that belief that thing is possible. It's that question that our client asked us of, "Do you think I could do this?" And I think that- When we ask those questions, we need to have a real answer. Not just "Yeah, of course you can do it," but, actually having a real answer. And my answer always is if you have the desire, then the possibility is there. Because the desire is not random. It is information. It is your brain. It's pointing to something real. It's a, a capacity. It's a potential. It's a version of yourself that you want that is just sitting there waiting to be chosen, and you get to actually choose whether or not to take the steps and just start to take the steps towards that version of yourself. And I think that's where that question comes from, is so many people are just looking for that external permission. maybe it's from a coach, maybe it's from their partner, their spouse, maybe it's from a doctor or a friend, to believe that thing that they want is possible for them. And sometimes that external permission or that external belief can genuinely be helpful 'cause like you said, and this is the thing I tell my clients all the time and I'll tell you all as listeners of this podcast, borrow my belief anytime you want to because I genuinely believe that if you have a desire that you actually want, not just like a fake desire like, "Oh, I wanna be a professional basketball player." do you really? no. You're not... you're never gonna make a professional basketball player in the NBA. come on. But if it's a genuine desire, that has to come from somewhere. And you can borrow my belief all you want, but at some point you have to take that belief on yourself, and then that desire has to come from the inside

kevin 39:17

Yeah, and once you have that belief, it can then change you to whatever you want.

Angie 39:23

Of course.

kevin 39:24

It allows you to, you said this at the beginning, to shed previous identities.

Angie 39:30

Yeah.

kevin 39:31

And it can then make a complete overhaul in who you are. The person that you've been for all of the years of your life- does not have to be the person that you are for the rest of them.

Angie 39:40

Yeah.

kevin 39:41

you can flip it. you can change at any point in time if you believe that you can change. If you go, no, this is basically who I am," like I said, there's a difference between a belief that you can change and a belief that you can put, a change in your, the painting on the outside of you. this is not putting a mask on and being like, no, I look like this now." This is an actual full-blown change of who you are as a person. It's possible because your brain will allow you to come up with a new identity for yourself, and as long as you fully embrace that's your new identity, that's the direction that you're going to go into. But you don't have to be stuck with whoever you are. Yeah. Especially if you're happy with it. if you are super happy with where you are, go with it. That's an awesome choice that you've made. Continue to choose that path. But if you're not happy with where you are, you can choose a different path- in whatever world that is. yeah, sure, in our running world, I was done racing marathons. They weren't bringing me the same joy that they were when I started.

Angie 40:40

Yeah.

kevin 40:40

I wanted to try things that were longer and see if I could find different, a different experience out of it. But you could do the same thing i- inside of, a job. You could do the same thing inside of your family relationship. you don't have to be locked into this world that you have f- for your life.

Angie 40:59

Yeah.

kevin 41:00

You can change.

Angie 41:00

Yeah, I agree, and I think that's one of the things that happens to a lot of us, especially when it comes to roles that we have in our life, of roles that we've been assigned or that we chose or maybe that we never chose for us of, "Oh, you're- you're not that athletic." I'm not athletic, or, "You're not disciplined enough. You're lazy." there's all these things and these ideas that we have about ourselves, and we have to be really careful because those ideas, a lot of times people just say, "Oh, that's just who I am," as if it's not changeable. But all of those things are changeable. You just have to decide ahead of time what kind of person you wanna be, and that's where it also becomes really- We have to be very careful in letting other people's opinions of us determine what's possible for us. So going back to that question of do you believe that I could do this? Do you think I could do this? What if I said no, right? what if I told our client, no, I don't think so. I don't think that's a long enough timeline for you. I don't think that's possible." Then would that person even have the guts to try? Or would that person just decide to abandon the goal, right? you have to be careful who you allow to have a say in what you believe is possible for yourself. We have another client that is dealing with this as well, of people in her life are telling her like, "Oh, y- why are you doing that? That's crazy. You shouldn't be doing these things." And I always like to use the metaphor of like your newborn ba- your newborn baby. Like, when you have a newborn baby, you don't just let anybody hold your newborn baby. you're very, at least I was very particular in who was able to hold my newborn baby. And I only let certain people hold that, her. I o- only let s- certain people hold her. They had to be sitting down. They, I, when she was f- a newborn, when she was a couple weeks old, the people that I allowed to come over to meet her, I made them change their clothes when they came over my house, and put on one of Kevin's big shirts before they held her, 'cause I didn't want all their germs all o- the germs from work and all the places that they've been, to be, for her to be exposed to any of those things. So I was very protective over her.

kevin 43:07

You sound crazy when you say that, but these were like your coworkers- Yeah who have been dealing with like PT clients in and out of the office all day long. So the level of like exposure on that one person is, that's like requiring somebody who works in a hospital setting to change out of their scrubs before they're allowed to hold the baby. Yeah. you sound less crazy when you give the whole background. At first it was like, I worked in accounting and I thought, no, you'd get, you've been in a cubicle all day. Put on this T-shirt. no. Yeah. It's, there, there was germs here.

Angie 43:39

lots and lots of germs. Yeah. But you have to be careful who you allow to hold your newborn baby. And when you have a baby belief in yourself, and you have a baby desire that you're not sure if you really wanna go in that certain direction or not, you have to be careful who you share that with. You can't just share your baby beliefs and your baby d- desires with anybody, because people might drop the baby. People might tell you that is not a good idea. People might tell you and discourage you from doing the thing that you genuinely want to do. And I think that's the big thing, is this a genuine desire? when you really check in with yourself, do you want this thing? Because if you do And protect it. protect it, and plant it as a little seed, and water it, and make sure it gets enough sun. and as it starts to actually sprout and form roots, then, it becomes a little bit more hearty. It becomes a little bit more resilient. You can share it with more people. I just, combined a baby metaphor and a plant metaphor all in one, but you know- I was gonna point out- Everybody gets it

kevin 44:40

you just planted your baby and watered it, but I- I didn't plant-

Angie 44:41

I

kevin 44:42

was gonna let that go.

Angie 44:42

But but that's the thing is like- Awkward parenting advice when the baby is older-

kevin 44:48

Then you can plant it

Angie 44:49

then you c- you let more people hold her, right? you let more people hold her because now she can hold her head up. it's not as, like she's got more strength. she's stronger. She's more resilient, right? And then baby two comes along, and you'll just let lots of people hold baby number two, right? Because she's, like you've been through it before. You understand it. Y- you're, it's not as fragile, right? Your belief is not as fragile. Your baby's not as fragile when she's older. And so I think it's important for us to do the same thing with our dreams and our desires and our goals and the person that you're becoming. If you are changing and you are deciding to grow and evolve into a person, especially if it's a different person than you've been in the past, the people in your life that knew, knew that past version of you, that know the current version of you, they might not like it. They might have some very strong opinions if you're now becoming a, a different person, and you're not fitting the mold that they have put you in, and the role that you play in their lives. And now you're setting boundaries, and now you're making decisions that are gonna benefit you instead of them, and y- it's not gonna be a comfortable thing, and that's why people always say growth is uncomfortable. This is one of the aspects of it. the people in your life aren't necessarily going to like it, and it's gonna be up to you to continue down that path. It, does this desire mean enough to you? Is the person that you want to become, is she, how much does she mean to you? How important is that, that version of you and that new identity that you want to take on? Is it important for you to be strong and stay the course? And I think that's a decision that we all have to make as individuals.

kevin 46:34

Yes, but it's a decision that we have to make.

Angie 46:36

Yeah.

kevin 46:36

it's again, don't just let it happen. And go, "I don't know. I'm gonna see this, and then we'll just see how it plays out." Realize that changing yourself is going to change your relationship with those around you. And decide, "Okay, if I lose that friendship or if I lose that depth of friendship-

Angie 46:52

Yeah

kevin 46:52

is that okay because I'm changing into this person, and it's more important me, for me to go into this direction for myself than to hang onto this relationship, than to maintain the quality of this relationship?" Because it, that's going to possibly happen. Like, when you make big changes in your life, your relationship with those around you is going to be affected. Like-

Angie 47:14

Yeah

kevin 47:14

it's a much more subtle thing, but when I decided to run ultramarathons, I had to give up the identity of track coach. I couldn't work both of them. Yeah. And that was tricky. And I was like, "But I've done this for, 15 years."

Angie 47:28

Yeah.

kevin 47:28

ooh, that's- Yeah,

Angie 47:29

and the school expected you to do it again

kevin 47:32

Exactly. one, it was a relationship that I'd built with the kids around me for a long time, and I had the expectations from the school expecting that I was gonna show up in January and do this.

Angie 47:41

And the parents?

kevin 47:43

Yep. The

Angie 47:43

parents were not happy when you decided not to coach.

kevin 47:46

Parents were not, th- yeah, 'cause it's the cross-country kids who then come back for track. And they're like, "What? How are you not gonna be here? What do you mean you're not coaching track?"

Angie 47:54

Yeah.

kevin 47:55

That did, that made an interesting dynamic. It's like, I need to do this thing." Yeah. "I need to see if this thing is possible for me, and I'm sorry, but that means that I'm going to step away from your kids for this spring. that's what's going to happen now." It, that, it was weird because you're going to get interesting responses from those around you. And you'd think the parents of the runners would understand, but they didn't because they were seeing it from the view of parent. They wanted to protect their kid, and I was screwing things up for their kid. That w- in their mind, in their perspective, that's what was happening.

Angie 48:28

Yeah.

kevin 48:29

And sometimes when we make these changes, we make them for very personal reasons- and other people are making decisions for their own personal reasons. there may be some conflicts there. Yeah. And you have to accept that, and that's why you have to ch- make the conscious decision ahead of time that this is the path you're going down. Yeah. Because then when issues arise, you're like, "Oh, yes, I expected there to be some, some challenges along the way. Here's one that I, here's a challenge that I will overcome down this path that I'm going on." Instead of, "Here's an obstacle, I better turn around."

Angie 48:59

It's

kevin 48:59

just a challenge along the way.

Angie 49:01

Yeah, and again, that always goes back to how important is this thing to you, right? Because there might be some things that you're willing to undergo the discomfort and the scrutiny and the pushback and all of that, and there's gonna be other things that when you think about it or when you start to experience, you decide, "You know what? That's not really worth it." And that's okay. you're allowed to change your mind, too. But ultimately, when you decide ahead of time the person that you want to become, then it's up to you to then take the steps, right? So when we think about practical steps on intentionally becoming, step number one is deciding who to become, right? Who do you want to become and choosing that intentionally. So it's not just what do you wanna do. It's not just, oh, I wanna run or I wanna do a marathon. It's who do you want to become? choose your identity first. So I'm becoming a trail runner. I'm becoming someone who prioritizes strength training. I'm becoming a business owner. I'm becoming a marathoner. whatever it is that you want to become, say it out loud. Write it down. make it a real thing. And because from that identity, from that choice, that's where your actions flow from. And I think that this idea of becoming can be easier for some people to kinda wrap their heads around versus I am. a l- lot of people talk about I am statements like, "I am a runner. I am a trail runner. I am this. I am that." But I think that sometimes our brains have a lot of pushback when we don't have the evidence yet of that thing, right? And so when we say, "I am becoming a," then our brains are, like, it kinda lets the guard down a little bit, and your brain can get on board more. So you decide, number one, who you want to become, and then number two, you decide what that actually looks like ahead of time, right? making decisions ahead of time is a really big piece of this. And so In the changing season, before you go out and travel, before the hard stretch, you decide what the becoming looks like in that context. So if you want to become an ultra-marathoner, this is what Kevin did. you decided you were wanting to become an ultra-marathoner, so in order to do that, in order to become that, you had to give up your identity of track coach that season, right? and for the la- for a couple of seasons you did. But you made those decisions based on the person that you were becoming and what your context and what your circumstances needed to look like to give yourself the best chance to become that person that you wanted to be.

kevin 51:31

100%. and then other actions continued follow.

Angie 51:34

Yeah.

kevin 51:35

That's the thing is, just because you think you've made this decision ahead of time, there is going to be more things that come up. And every time you get to a new situation that you did not expect, because you're pa- following a new path, you have to then question, "What would I do from my new identity?" Not from my old identity. Not what do I fall back on, on previous habits, but here's a new training decision. Here's a new dec- our current scenario. Do I stay up late with the kids, or do I make sure that I continue to get up early? what does that look like? Make it from the person that I'm becoming, not from a thing that I've done in the past. in, in my current situation, my training usually falls off a bit during the fall. A bit during the fall during cross-country season. Not as much as track, because you help me a heck of a lot during cross-country season, but there's always a drop-off Does there have to be? Depends on how I answer the who do I wanna be in this season, because there's always going to be challenges. You just need to choose how you answer it and what identity you answer it from.

Angie 52:38

Yeah. and Kevin and I, you and I just had this conversation recently too about our roles on the cross country team, specifically my role on the cross country team, because Kevin has been the head cross country coach for 15, how many years now? 19 years. A, a lot. a lot of years. So Kevin's been coaching cross country for 20 years, and I've been coaching now with him about 12 I think, 12 or 13. I think 12. But when I first came on, I was his assistant. I was... I didn't even go to practice very much. I was really the assistant. I was doing a lot of things behind the scenes. and I would go sometimes, but I was really running the show more behind the scenes. I wasn't super visible. And then as the girls got older and I kinda started to come to practice more, be a more hands-on type of coach because I thought it was important for the girls on our team to have a female coach. and then we kinda fell into, Kevin started calling us co-head coaches, and we never really talked about that. Y- you just decided that we were gonna be co-head coaches. And I was like, "I, you're, I'm good. you're the head coach. I'm the assistant." You're like, "No, we're co-head coaches." And then we also fell into our relationship pattern of Angie takes the lead on a lot of things, right? that's just w- what our default way of being in the world, and in our relationship is I tend to take the lead. I have a very strong personality. I'm very verbal. I'm very outspoken. and I like to take the lead. And so that was happening on the cross-country team, and I didn't want that. And so Kevin and I had to have some tough conversations. and before the season began, I specifically told him, I'm like, "I don't want to be a head coach. I want to be the assistant. I want you to be the head coach. I need you to fill that role. I w- I want to be the assistant. I don't want to be making the decisions. I want to support you in your decisions for this team." And like I, because I could feel myself, like I knew I didn't want the head coach role, and so I wasn't doing a good job in that role. I was doing a fine job, but it wasn't, I didn't have everything to put into it because it wasn't something that I'd chosen intentionally, and I really had to make that clear. And now I feel already this season, things are so different, and I'm so much happier. I hope you are too. But I'm so much happier with our dynamic, our coaching dynamic, and you really stepping back into that head coach role and me being your assistant. I feel like I'm just able to show up in a way that feels much more intentional and aligned.

kevin 55:01

Yeah, and then the circumstances lined up that I was fully head coach for our season opener meet, which was-

Angie 55:07

Oh, yeah. Funny, right? Oh my gosh. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Yeah.

kevin 55:11

No, I definitely- Yeah thought about that because- Yeah you weren't able to come. you were home with our sick daughter. And so the opening meet was me. It was me and 28 kids on a bus.

Angie 55:21

"Here

kevin 55:21

you guys, let's do this thing."

Angie 55:23

Yeah.

kevin 55:23

And, in the past, it's always been like, "All right. I'm gonna watch this race, and you make sure that this group of kids gets to the starting line at this point in time." And I would- I just told the captains of the team, I'm like, "I'm gonna make sure that the girls are doing what they're supposed to during the race. I need you guys over at the line 15 minutes before the race starts." and it just happened. You just give people the jobs, and they do what is supposed to happen, and I was able to do a good coaching job throughout the entire race. And- and it worked.

Angie 55:48

Yeah. And I think that's a good example of adjusting things without abandoning things, too. there's always going to be circumstances that require adjustment, and that's not failure. who... we could have never predicted that I was going to miss the first meet of the season. I would have never... If you would've asked me, I would've told you I was, "I'm not gonna miss any meets. That's ridiculous." But our daughter got sick, and I needed to be home with her because my identity as a mom comes before my identity as a high school cross country coach. And that to me is more important, to make sure she was taken care of. And so we adjusted. Kevin made it work, and he did a great job. but I think that happens to us all the time as runners, too. it's okay when things don't go as planned. We have to make adjustments. Adjustments doesn't mean anything is a failure or it's not working. It just means, okay, life happened, and now we get to adjust and figure out how it fits now.

kevin 56:37

Yeah. Maintain the decision, maintain the identity, make small adjustments along the way- based off of things that come up. But-

Angie 56:43

Yeah

kevin 56:43

you've already made the decision, so then you're just making adjustments. Exactly. And it's so much... It's like having a training plan. Have a training plan in place, and then you can adjust when weather comes up. But having no training plan c- in place, you're like, "I don't know. It's Monday. I guess I'll go run today." you don't know what's gonna happen. Have some sort of plan in place.

Angie 57:04

Yeah. So as we come to the close of this episode, we want you to really take away this idea that- We are all in the per- process of becoming, always. The only question is whether or not you're doing it on purpose, because you're either doing it on purpose and doing it with intention, or you're becoming someone or something unintentional. And you don't have to have it all figured out. You don't need to be ready before you take this step. You don't need someone else's permission or someone else's belief in you. You can generate all of those things yourself. All you need is a decision about who you are, about who you're choosing to become in this season, at this age, with this life, because that's the big thing, right? we can't make decisions based on who we were at 20 or at 30 or at 40 if you are currently 53 years old, right? you have to make those decisions based on who you are right now. And life is always changing. Life is always evolving, and we are always getting more information. And you can decide at any point in time who you want to become, and that person is allowed to be someone that is different than who you have become or who you were in the past. You're allowed to change paths whenever you want to. Just do it intentionally, right? Do it with conscious awareness and, decide who you're becoming and make it a choice. realize that it's a choice and make it intentionally.

kevin 58:31

Yeah. that, that's a perfect synopsis. Make it intentionally, I think is the biggest takeaway that we've got out of this episode, is consciously choose who are you- Yeah becoming.

Angie 58:41

Who are you becoming? So guys, if this was helpful, please leave us a review. Spotify, leave us a comment. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Share the podcast with anybody that you think would find this helpful. And as always, thanks for joining us. This has been the Running Reconnected podcast. It's still weird saying that. I'm gonna... I'm wondering if I'm gonna mess that up at some point in time, because I've been saying, the Real Life Runners podcast for the past 475 episodes.

kevin 59:08

Now you've got to-

Angie 59:09

But, You can

kevin 59:09

always choose a new path.

Angie 59:11

I can always choose, and then I did, right? That's actually, we are becoming a, a different podcast. we are the Running Reconnected podcast, and it's, we're both the same and changing and evolving, right? at the same time. We can take what we've had from our past and h- like, 'cause the Real Life Runners era was fantastic. It was a fantastic era. And now moving into the Running Reconnected era, this is gonna be even better, because now we get to take all the lessons that we learned and intentionally choose how to evolve from here. So anywho, thanks for joining us. This has been the Real Life... No, the, see, I did it right there, the Running Reconnected podcast, episode number 477. Now get out there and run your life.