392: Using Mental Skills to Restart a Fitness Journey with Amanda Schaefer

In this engaging episode, we welcome Amanda Schaefer, a mental performance coach and former college athlete who shares her transformative health and fitness journey. Amanda discusses shifting her priorities from being a busy mom to reclaiming her health and strength through disciplined gym visits and mental training. She delves into the challenges of overcoming negative self-talk, the importance of process-based goals over outcome-based goals, and the power of curiosity in exploring new fitness avenues, including running.

We also emphasized the significance of self-awareness, standing in one's power, and taking small, consistent steps towards long-term health and fitness. This episode is rich with mental performance strategies that athletes, especially runners, can employ to navigate their own journeys.

Amanda Schaefer is a Mental Performance Coach and founded Fearless Fastpitch as a resource to make mental training accessible to youth athletes. She's passionate about helping bring awareness to the mental side of sports and how it can impact life beyond the field.

If you want to connect with her, you can find her at the links below!

amanda@fearlessfastpitch.com
https://www.fearlesswarriorprogram.com/
https://www.instagram.com/fearlessfastpitch/
https://www.facebook.com/fearlessfastpitchmentaltraining

06:55 Setting Process Goals vs. Outcome Goals

14:18 Confidence Conditioning Statements

21:17 Amanda's Struggles and Overcoming Challenges

30:01 Acceptance and Self-Compassion

32:31 A Vulnerable Moment: Facing Body Dysmorphia

34:15 The Power of Small Choices

36:58 Building Habits and Seeing Progress

39:26 Discovering the Joy of Running

46:51 Embracing Curiosity and Overcoming Judgment

50:55 The Importance of Identity in Fitness

57:44 Standing in Your Power 

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the real life runners podcast, episode number 391. Today, we're talking to Amanda Schafer, who is one of my very good friends. She's a mental performance coach and founded fearless, fast pitch as a resource to make mental training, accessible to youth athletes. Now. What is a softball coach doing on the relay runners podcast? You might ask it's because she's recently restarted her fitness journey and even has started running, even though she never considered herself a runner. And she talks a lot about how she's using her mental skills and her training as a mental performance coach, to help her to restart this fitness journey, especially when she doesn't want to do it, especially on those days when it's hard and her brain is telling her all sorts of negative thoughts. She really breaks it down and gets very real and raw with us here and really helps us to see how we can also use these mental performance tools to make our running. Even better than it already is. So I am so excited to introduce you to Amanda. So let's. Get started.

Angie: 1:24

What's up runners? Welcome to the show today. I am so excited. We have a special treat on the show I've got a guest and one of my very very good friends. Amanda Schaefer is here. What's up, Amanda?

Amanda: 1:36

Hey, hey Thanks for having me.

Angie: 1:37

I am so glad that you are here. It's about darn time. We had you on the podcast I think it's totally

Amanda: 1:45

fitting because there have been some changes in my life. So the It's me is Curiosity is strong lately.

Angie: 1:51

Yeah, absolutely. So today might be a little bit of a different episode than you guys are used to because Amanda and I are very good friends and we talk about this stuff all the time. And so it might be a little bit more casual, but Amanda is a mental performance coach. And so she has recently been getting into back into her health and fitness journey. So I wanted to bring her on the podcast so that she could tell you about her health and fitness journey and How she uses mental skills that she teaches other people, she's an expert in this area, but especially how she's been applying them to her own journey. So Amanda, tell us a little bit about kind of your background, your history, and then more into your recent love of your new fitness journey.

Amanda: 2:37

So for those of you that don't know, my name's Amanda Schaefer. A lot of my clients call me coach AB. I have been a softball coach in the capacity of an instructor. I've coached teams at the high school level club level for the past 10 years, which is crazy to think about. I graduated from college as a college athlete, I was a softball pitcher and just really loved the sport. And. Found myself coming back to this as a career. So for the past five years, I have been a mental performance coach. So the question I always get is what is, what is that? And luckily to this podcast, you're not new to that concept. Cause we need mental training and there's a myth and a stigma around it. So the best way that I describe it is on the mental performance side, it's helping you perform at your best. As it's related to your sport. So anything mental performance related is geared towards helping you run better, faster, longer, stronger, helping softball athletes to perform better, really any sport. And then obviously the mental health side is a different area where we're speaking about mental health as it applies to, How you function in your daily life. Are you eating, sleeping? How is your function in day to day? I don't touch a whole lot on the mental health side. We refer that out to LNPCs or practitioners that can refer and diagnose those. So really, I get to help you perform. At your best as it pertains to your sport,

Angie: 4:09

which is awesome, but I also don't want you to downplay what you do too much because I think that all of the things that you teach your athletes can also be applied to so many different areas of our life. And I think that As runners, we understand that too. What we apply to running, the skills and the tools that we use in running can just carry over and spill over into all areas of our life and help us deal with life in a lot better way. So tell us a bit about your recent re entry into the fitness space and like how Were you away and tell us a little bit more.

Amanda: 4:44

Yeah. So I am a young mom, so I have a six year old, a three year old and a new two year old at home. And so for the past six years, I have. I, instead of saying, putting my health journey on the back burner, I will say I put my mom journey on the front burner because I really made a conscious decision. There were a few years in there where I felt guilty because I'm a former college athlete. I should be working out. I should be stronger. And I've always had a nutritious diet. I love food. I love to cook healthy. If somebody said, Hey, you could quit your day job and just become a chef. I would say yes to that. That's how much I love food. But then I started noticing that even though I love my broccoli, my salmon, like I'll eat healthy. I have no qualms with, a nutritious diet. I noticed that the busier our family got and the busier my work life got, it was easy to just go out to eat. So our family, we started going out for burgers and fries and why not? And then it just became part of our every weekly Recipes or our meal plans where you know, we were going out to eat two to three times a week It probably wasn't the best nutritious things and then the other nights of the week as a busy mom Here I am microwaving chicken nuggets and corn dogs and frozen pizzas And then that became our new normal and I woke up one day and I just I felt like crap I was working late hours and all for what? I knew I needed more time. And the funny thing about this is, and you've seen this, I knew that something had to change and I would try to change these habits, but it was always on the back burner. And so it wasn't until I recently put this one decision on the front burner, which was, I'm going to go back to the gym. And Be careful because this doesn't apply to everybody, but I knew that I needed to have a process for me that was non negotiable. So for me, I made the decision that my first meeting of the day was going to be at the gym with myself. So that was the one decision that kind of catapulted everything for us. And I started that exactly three months ago. So Labor Day I've been on this journey for 12 weeks now, and I've really noticed that without changing any of the other habits, Just changing this one habit of putting myself first, and every day, as soon as I drop my kids off at school, my car is driving to the gym. I now am eating healthier. I have become sober out of a decision that alcohol just hasn't served me. I'll have the occasional drink at maybe a wedding. But all of these decisions that were just on the back burner now are flowing from if I'm going to be working out, then I want to be eating healthier. I want to be sober. I'm reading my book at night versus scrolling for hours. I'm prioritizing sleep. I'm listening to podcasts. I bought a standing desk. I have a walking pad. We go on walks with our family. And it's I wanted all of these things. It just took that one domino to, to kick things off. So that's my last 12 weeks

Angie: 7:54

in a nutshell. I love that so much. And I really want to focus on this because I think that What I'm hearing from you is different than the way that I think a lot of people do it, especially runners, because you said that you set a goal to go to the gym every day. That was, so to me, that was like you were focusing on the process and the behavior, whereas a lot of people set a goal that is outcome based, right? They said that they, I wanna lose 20 pounds or I want to be able to run a half marathon. Like they set some sort of goal that is an outcome-based goal. And that is not what you did at all here. Can you talk on that? Ugh. You like teed that up perfectly. Using a softball analogy. So

Amanda: 8:40

What? I am a podcast host. I know. So you know, come on, you teed me up. Be late. And this is funny because I teach this to my athletes and I'm going to back up just a little bit. I'm just as guilty of wanting those outcome goals. And I thought in my original goal, and you knew this a year ago, I wanted to sign up for a cycling race. And I did not realize what it was going to take to train for that said race, and it never happened. And so that for me was definitely an outcome goal, and I didn't have any process. So that right there is proof that I've been on this journey, but until I had this process goal, what this looks like for me, and I know you guys can't see this, I could go get it off of my fridge. As a pitching coach, I used to print off these mini calendars for my girls to mark off when they practice at home. So I said, Hey, I'm going to use one of these for myself. And my process goal was five out of the seven days are going to be X marks on going to the gym. That's it. That's my process. So for me, I started with really, really simple lifts. And it took me about 30 to 45 minutes to do these lifts. And once that, lift list was done at the gym, that was it. That was my goal. And it gives you that satisfaction of, you get that dopamine hit, you get that satisfaction that you did it. You won't always be motivated. Yeah, sure. It's motivating to cross it off, but it comes down to discipline. And the outcome goal for me, there is still an outcome goal, but it's just not at the forefront. My outcome goal was to get stronger. And now looking back 12 weeks into this, because I committed to this process, I skipped days. There were things that happened in our personal life where I probably fell short, but the key is that on those days that I miss the gym, instead of letting it be thrown in the trash and say, Oh, I didn't get my process goal. It's how can I get that next X? So just last week I skipped Thursday and Friday. And I was so excited for Monday to mark that X on Monday. And that was part discipline, part motivation. But now I look at those 12 weeks and I look at my lift list and I have proof that the process is working because my weights have gone up. And so it's not just a process goal. It's not just an outcome goal. It's putting them together. I think one of the other tricky things that I've noticed my brain falling into that trap is, okay, I've been a mom for six years. I've gained a lot of weight. An outcome goal secretly, am I going to admit it to my trainer? Am I going to admit it to my friends and family? I would love to lose weight. Wouldn't we all right. Like I would love to lose weight. And what happened was, is I noticed my brain started going there. Like I've been at the gym for four weeks. Why am I not losing weight? I actually gained weight. I gained three to four pounds. And if I go back to that process goal, what was my process goal to go to the gym? What was my true outcome goal to get stronger and I was meeting both of those goals And so anytime you're tempted to fall into that trap of the outcome goal the scoreboard goal The pr goal go back to the goals you originally set and for me now 12 weeks into it I am stronger. I am losing weight. It is paying off, but it's a long game for me so all that to be said i'm not immune to it either like I still get pulled into that trap of like I would love the outcome. I would love the PR and we can talk about how I've started running like, and I'm sure we're going to talk about this, but it's so easy to watch your brain fall back into those glamour, glamour stats.

Angie: 12:18

Yeah. So then how do you avoid that? Or what ha what do you do? What do you use when you fall into those outcome things or because I think that. A lot of people can hear what you're saying and say, Okay, I get it. I'm going to focus on the process. I'm going to focus on this goal. My goal is to get stronger, right? But secretly, they're like, but I really want to lose weight, and that's just like there. And so when they see themselves not losing weight, they get frustrated. Because they're like, trying to convince themselves this is the right goal over here for me to be chasing, but Kind of the hidden goal back here is what they really want. How do you navigate that? Like, when your brain is trying to tell you that you're not doing a good job, or that you're not actually making progress, what do you do?

Amanda: 12:57

Yeah, so the first thing for sure is, if it is not, you cannot change what you are not aware of. The subconscious mind is gonna trick you, it's gonna pull you back into these negative thought patterns. And for me, my advice for you is make it visible. It's on my fridge. I love sticky notes, so if you want to put a sticky note on your mirror, put a sticky note on your fridge, put a sticky note at work, on your computer. I also love using the Notes app on my phone, so I have my lifting plan, my goals, my why, my process goals, I have that all listed. I call it my performance document, so it's like my mental journal. If you're old school, I also have my clients do this where it's a notebook. Like you have a separate notebook where you write down your notes. And anytime you're feeling yourself cycling into that, you can immediately reference the you that set out these goals. What did I write down? And going back to those physical, tangible reminders. One of the things that I wrote in mine was I do not negotiate with myself. And that's a confidence conditioning statement. And the me that started this journey was very wise. And I knew that I was going to have to rely on that when things got hard. And so when I go back to that, that I prepared that mental skill of putting it in a plan, putting it in my journal, which is a mental performance tool of journaling, making it at the forefront and then using that tool, it doesn't just live in a notebook and then that notebook gets shoved in a cabinet. Like it's around, I can see this. And so using that would look like, if I've prepared this confidence conditioning statement of my identity. I am going to the gym five days a week. This is who I am. This is the type of person that I am. And this is the decision that type of person makes. I don't negotiate with myself. So if I'm tired that day, or I am saying what's the point? Cause that thought has crossed my mind too, of I'm not losing weight, so why even bother? Yeah. Why even show up to the gym and going back to those tools that.

Angie: 14:59

I set at the beginning. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit more about a confidence conditioning statement? Like what is that and how do we utilize that?

Amanda: 15:09

Yeah. So a confidence conditioning statement is something that you create from an identity level. So one of the mistakes that a lot of people make is we create these mantras, these things that You know I am strong. I am healthy. I am a runner. I am an athlete and those are great, but if they're only surface level, they're not going to serve you. And so if we start from that identity level, my identity is I want to be strong. I am strong. I can do hard things. That to me is more powerful than saying like I'm skinny and I'm, amazing, or I'm a fast runner or whatever that identity is. The identity has to be real. So for me, like as a busy mom, when I create that confidence conditioning statement, it's matching up with the identity of who I can be and who I want to be. And as entrepreneurs, I think another example of this would be like who am I, if I have a successful business, not from where I am now, but where I want to be, I am a successful business owner. And then how do I make decisions today that line up with that identity that I want to be? And so this goes back to, okay, if I'm getting stronger from that confidence conditioning statement, I don't negotiate with myself. Then I'm not going to negotiate on whether or not I'm going to eat the burger and fries. Now sure, can I have burger and fries occasionally? Yeah, absolutely. But am I going to have it every night? Am I going to make chicken? That old identity has now faded away because I've replaced it with these new confidence conditioning statements. Let me, I want to pull it up because I have more in my performance

Angie: 16:54

plan. So this whole idea too of like identity has to be real. Like I, I heard you say that and I think that was really important and I think that's really powerful because there's a lot of people out there that understand this, right? They are like, okay, I need to create, new beliefs or I need to create identity. Once they start to look into this and try to figure it all out, right? How do you make that identity real when you're not there yet, right? Because I think that a lot of people, they like, they want to be that thing. They have that ideal version of themselves, but they don't believe it yet. So are there steps for us to get there or get closer to it? What would you say if that identity doesn't quite feel real yet?

Amanda: 17:38

So this is great because if you look at the definition of confidence is an immense trust. So if you're not feeling confident yet what are you trusting? So if you're trusting that future identity, or are you trusting who you are? The definition is self trust. So who are we trusting? Our confidence is in ourselves. And if we can trust ourselves, it's not that we trust ourselves to be this primo perfect person. Do you trust yourself to try? Do you trust yourself to fail

18:14

and

Amanda: 18:15

try again? Do you trust yourself to figure it out? And that comes with an incredible power for me personally, if this is on me, it's not on anybody else or even my future self. What decisions am I making today that I have within my control? So like opening up my You asked the question of okay, yes, but how tangibly my confidence conditioning statements are. I do not negotiate with myself. I'm doing this. I am strong, sexy, confident. I can do this. I just have to keep going. Okay. Which alludes to the fact that there are going to be times where I don't want to keep going and I don't want to do it. And I don't feel strong and I don't feel sexy and I don't feel confident, but can we choose those actions? Despite those feelings. So this comes from the late Ken Reviza. He's famously quoted for saying, Are you that bad that you have to feel confident to perform well? And basically what he's saying is, Are you that bad of an athlete that you are always going to feel amazing? Sometimes your best runs, your best performances, Or when you are tired or when you feel like not doing it or whatever those reasons are, like we're human, right? And so it's, can you perform? Can you trust yourself? Can you go back to who you said you wanted to be even when you don't feel like it? And that's where this self talk, mantras, whatever you want to call them, confidence conditioning statements have to align with who you are now and who you want to be.

Angie: 19:48

Yeah. Is there a difference between a mantra and a confidence conditioning statement, the way that you use it? Yeah. Yeah.

Amanda: 19:55

A confidence conditioning statement is more towards action, right? Of what I am committed to doing, what I will be doing, what I will tell myself when it gets hard. I feel like mantras are taught primarily to just repeat them until they feel real. And the mantras is a lot of coaches unknowingly will teach mantras without doing the deeper work. So if you're telling yourself. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am smart. Yes, at some point repeating those, I think we'll get programmed, but the actions are going to be so much stronger. So if I were to give my kid a mantra and say, you are smart, you are smart. And he comes home and he failed his spelling test. He has every evidence that he's not smart. So if I give him a confidence conditioning statement that says, I can be a problem solver. I am a problem solver. That's more action based than identity based. That if I can give my kids or my clients, what are you going to do in those moments where the mantra isn't true?

21:05

Because sometimes

Amanda: 21:06

those mantras feel fake. So if mantras feel fake to you, just flip them into actions. So what

Angie: 21:12

would a strong person do? So what I'm hearing you say is like the confidence conditioning statements, because earlier you said that the confidence conditioning statements are rooted in your identity. So it's rooted in your identity in that it's the type of actions that that kind of person would do. So it's not necessarily like an I am statement. It's like a, I am this kind of person, therefore this is how I'm going to live. This is how I'm going to act like when things get tough. Is that right? Yeah. Cool. Sweet. So what, so I've heard you talk a little bit about your own fitness journey here and how you've started to use some of these, like you clearly have a journal on your phone and lot of these tools that you obviously know and use all the time. Where have you had struggles like within this, the last 12 weeks, right? Like when, when has it been hard? Because I think that there's always those times, right? Like when you start running, when you start working out again. There's going to be times in a 12 week period, because, we teach training cycles that are 12 weeks, so how perfect is that, right? But it's at some point in that 12 week cycle, things are going to get tough, right? Real life is going to happen, your brain is going to be telling you all the things of why you're not good enough, or why this sucks, or why you should quit. What do you do in those? Can you talk about, like, when have you struggled, and what have you done in those times? Yeah. So week one,

Amanda: 22:38

baby, I decided 12 weeks ago was Labor Day. So this was hilarious. I didn't really look at a calendar and I made this decision of enough is enough. I'm going to make this a priority. We actually purchased our gym membership the week of Labor Day weekend. And we tested out the gym. We went on Friday, we went to the pool and then bam, my husband goes, you do realize that Labor Day is Monday. You have the kids at home, schools not in session, all the things. It was one of those things where I was like, Oh I made this decision. I'm going to do it. So we shuffled the kids around and I show up at the gym day one, and this is a lovely story that I love revisiting. I had this idea that this would be easy. I've lifted before. I'm a college athlete. Like I lifted heavy in high school. I set PR is like, how hard can it be? Okay. Okay. I did leg day on the first day and did myself some squats and some lunges, which by the way, I vividly was taken back. The negative voices came flooding back of how much I hated lunges. And I felt like I was back in college grumbling because we were assigned lunges. I make it through my first workout. It was really hard. I did all body weights and Our gym has a flight of stairs to go back down to the main lobby. And as I'm feeling really wobbly, I should have seen this coming. I had my water bottle in one hand and my phone in the other hand, and here I go plopping down the stairs. I get to the last two steps and my right leg goes kabam and I completely, my legs collapse. I fall down the last two stairs. I'm on my butt. I'm super embarrassed. They're concrete steps. I am totally going to have bruises from this and I did, and I was just like mortified of if this is what's happening on day one, I never want to come back to this gym again. Like I'm doing body weight. Other people are looking at me. They're going to know that I'm an imposter. They need to know I was a strong college athlete. And so these negative voices had never been louder. And it was just like this big smack in the face. And this. I got in my car and I went home and I went to go play with my kids in the backyard and it happened again. I fell down the deck stairs, like literally my legs just crumpled and we had a good laugh about it. I definitely had some bruises, but it was like, if this is the worst that could happen to me, I'm doing it and I'm starting and I'm not stopping. And the motivation for me was like, I'm really sore. I know that I'm going to be sore. I know that I'm going to be a beginner. And now 12 weeks into it, I can laugh about those situations, but I was totally blindsided by. How hard week one would be.

Angie: 25:28

So what made you keep showing up on day two?

Amanda: 25:32

Well, when I checked into the gym the next day, the gym manager was like, Hey, you okay? Like you good. And I think just not taking yourself seriously sometimes. And. I don't have to prove anything to anybody. I think that's been a common theme for me is I do feel like other people in the gym are judging me. And so my negative voice is in the third person. And so some of my negative voices are like, Oh my gosh, like that's weak sauce. This lift looks dumb. My trainer had assigned me some lifts where my core and my hips, especially in my hamstrings are really, really weak. And some of these exercises, if we would be doing them in college, like we probably would have made fun of each other because they're beginner exercises.

Angie: 26:20

Yeah.

Amanda: 26:21

And so I just had to remind myself of. Nobody really cares. The only person that matters is me. And I combat those negative thoughts by talking back. And so anytime you have negative voices, I think sometimes we just listen to those negative voices. You can talk back. And so if you could hop inside a mental performance coach's brain, I'm having a full on conversation with that mean girl. I call her the mean girl and my positive self talk, which it doesn't always have to be positive. We can talk about that is. I'm talking back to her of you don't know what you're talking about. Nobody fricking cares. Nobody is even watching you. You fricking got this. Like you're showing up. And as a mental performance coach, I find that my self talk is very hype girl. So just. Keying into that, recognizing you can't change what you're not aware of. So when I'm journaling in my performance journal, I'm writing down, this is a technique that you all can use. A lot of mental performance coaches call it well, better, how, and it's a journal technique where you use three different categories. What did I do well? What do I need to do better? And how can I use that for my next, run my next practice, my next game. I like to call them wins, mistakes, betters, but the idea is what went well, what did not go well and how are you going to make next time better? And the really cool thing about this is I have all of this logged where I can go back and see my negative thoughts, how I reframed them. What I use and there's like very simple things like, Oh, I need to point my toes out on my sumo squats more. Or I want to put my hips in this position or I realized I can't stand listening to podcasts while I'm lifting. I made special playlists. I wrote down like which weights were hard, the incline that was too hard or this was too easy. So every single time I walk into the gym, I have that complete confidence that I'm just getting a little bit better every single time because I'm reflecting on, what do I want to change? And every time I'm getting better, getting better, getting better. And I have this. Proof, right? Like I can go back and look at how far I've come in my weights, in my journal, in my negative thoughts, my negative thoughts, I can shift them faster. Some of those negative thoughts have gone away because I don't even entertain them now. They're still there, but I'm like, okay, really? This negative thought again? Both.

Angie: 28:53

Yeah and the other thing that I really want to point out that I was like, hearing when you were talking to is this idea on day one, when you weren't where you want to be, and when you were falling down the stairs, literally, right? You basically said this is day one. It's only going to get better from here. And I think that was really important. And I think that this is one of the things that a lot of people don't do, because I heard you sell you comparing yourself to your previous self, right? Like previous Amanda was a college athlete and she was squatting all this weight and she was so strong and she could do all of this without a problem. And. Self comparison is such a trap that we often fall into, and it leads us to jumping 10, 20, 50 steps ahead of where we are right now, and what I heard you say was that you decided in that moment to meet yourself where you are, and I think that that is such a powerful thing that most people don't even realize that's okay this is where I am, and it's only going to go up from here. They have a hard time bringing that awareness, and then also bringing that acceptance to, this is where I am right now, and how, now I get to track and see how much better I can become.

Amanda: 30:08

And I hope you realize how much you have helped me with that. in our relationship and our friendship of that acceptance of on week one, there was a lot of shame and frustration of like, how could I let my body get to this? And you kept reminding me, dude, you have three kids, you birthed three babies, you put them first, like that there, that's what you chose. And there's nothing wrong with that. And that acceptance of I felt so much shame of like, how could I let my body get to this point and body dysmorphia and you really helped me see I was intentional. I was just being intentional in a different category. And now I get to choose and what power. There is in acceptance, right? And you helped me with so much of that. And I have a lot to be proud of because I think one of our conversations that we talk all the time about is it can be both, but it's not this or that. And now it can be both. I can be a good mom and put my health first. The six years before that, it just wasn't the right time.

Angie: 31:12

Yeah. So I think that's so, I didn't even realize it and I'm really glad that you were able to, that I was able to be helpful in any sort of way to that, which was fantastic. But it's I just see so many people fighting it in themselves and it's just, It's so much of that negative self talk that is so counterproductive. What's the point of fighting where you are right now? Because it is what it is, right? And so what I think, I guess the question would be, What allowed you to really accept that this is where I am and it's okay? It is was it just recognizing that this was a choice? That I was making a choice to prioritize my family and now I'm making a choice to do this? Or was there something more to it?

Amanda: 31:58

I think for me it's this, it goes back to this identity of this waking up, I guess. Of, I felt powerless to our schedule. I felt powerless to kids not sleeping through the night. I felt powerless to my husband's work schedule. And then when you start to realize how much power you have. I had all the power. I just had been giving it away or giving it away to that identity of Oh, I'm a busy mom. Oh, I'm a business owner. This is just the way that it is. And yeah, I'll tell you like a very I'll be vulnerable. And if we're this far into the podcast and you're still with us, one of the most The biggest wake up call for me, and I've had one recently too, but the biggest one was I worked with a semi pro football team. And as a mental performance coach, it's like one of those everybody's clapping for you. Dang, like you're really making it. You're doing great things. My business is successful and there was a professional photographer on the sidelines and I'm on the sidelines with all these big football guys and I had my fearless polo and my coaching shorts and I, here I am on the sidelines and I couldn't wait to see those professional photos come back. And again, this is like really vulnerable for whatever reason, my body dysmorphia is opposite. So I saw those pictures and I had this moment of I can't post these pictures. That's not me. Is that really what I look like? And it was just this aha moment of, I just had stopped looking in the mirror and being honest with myself of the decisions that I was making. And literally what did I have to eat that night? Okay. Then I went to go coach that football team. I had a giant I think I went and got like curry and I had like noodles. I love Thai food. And so I had like, why not order everything? I ordered the curry. I ordered the noodles. And then I went to go get my venti slurpee full of sugar coffee. Cause I needed the caffeine. And it was like, man, like this just like slow evolution of these decisions that I was making. It was this giant wake up call of. Wait, if I have the power to make these decisions, I also have the power to make the other decisions. And yeah, that was like the final straw for me. And then more recently, I run my own business and I saw pictures from an event that we did in July. And it was this moment of wow, like that's what I looked like. And it wasn't who I wanted to be. It wasn't who I knew I could be. And there's some shame there, but I think it had to get to that point. For me to finally do something about it. Cause if the pain is not big enough, then you're not going to change. And so sometimes facing that pain, I'm not running from it anymore. I see it and I'm doing something about it. I think I had to get to that point to, to finally flip it.

Angie: 34:51

Yeah, and I think that's so interesting because it's true. I think that so many times we decide to just settle for what is and instead of deciding on a different way of what it could be. Like, because what could be seems a little bit scary because we haven't done it. It's gonna require all this work and all this effort and that's I think where it comes really back down to what we started talking about in the first place was process versus outcome like it wasn't like oh my god I'm seeing these pictures right now and oh my god I have to lose 20 pounds 30 pounds whatever it is it's like I need to make a change and so you started focusing on the actions and the behaviors that are going to lead to that change and I think that's really such a powerful thing it's something that we talk to our clients all the time about Because it is those daily steps and those daily choices. And I love that you used that word because it's one of my favorites, as you know. It's it starts with one choice. It starts with, for you, it was that choice of I'm going back to the gym. I'm going back to the gym five days a week. And that's it, right? And I think that some people jump in try to jump into the deep end and they're like, I'm going to change everything. Because I think that this is another big thing that we want to talk about. They like, see something like that or they're, they finally hit that low, whatever that low is for them, right? And it's oh my God, I have to change my life. I have to transform. And so they try to do The exercise and the diet and they're running and they're lifting and they're doing all the things and all of a sudden three weeks later they're burnt out, they're injured, they're like screw this it's not worth it and they go back to where they were before. And I don't know what you want to go from there but like I just think that you making that one decision that's where the power lies, totally.

Amanda: 36:37

But weeks one through four, I knew like that micro goal for me is like I just need four weeks. In this process. And there was no Angie, there was no running. Like there, it was literally just go to the gym, get your lifts. We were still eating chicken nuggets. We were still going out to eat. Like I didn't change anything, but showing up at the gym then because I had built that habit now in week 12, I'm really starting to say okay, I'm seeing changes in the gym. Yeah. I wanted to feel stronger. One of the things that I noticed is I wasn't getting enough protein. And so I with your help too, I started, I love Greek yogurt and I eat Greek yogurt for breakfast, but what if I started adding more fruit? What if I started, I have protein oats now and getting a protein powder and things like that. But I didn't go out week one, change my diet, buy the protein powder, buy a new pair of shoes, which this is a fun story too. I didn't even have headbands. Like my entire college career, I have all these wispy hairs. And I said, okay, if I can complete one week of workouts, I'm walking myself to the sports store and I'm getting myself a new pair of headbands. Now, do you always need extrinsic motivation? No, but that was like a little impetus for me of I'm going to treat myself to some headbands for what literally just showing up to the gym. For one week, super simple micro goals.

Angie: 37:59

Yeah, I mean that there's so much power in that and I think that's one of the biggest things of that actually leads to That long term change and people I think they think that it's not going to be big enough, right? They think that if I just show up to the gym, it's not going to be enough I'm not going to see results fast enough and like here you are 12 weeks later You started with that one habit and then you habit stacked, right? you started with that one and then that led to healthier eating and then that led to, Oh, let me get on the treadmill. And then that led to all these other things, more protein, whatever. And it's only 12 weeks, like three months when you think about it in the longterm, that's such a short amount of time. And you're feeling so much different, now just because you started with that one thing. And I think that if there's nothing else that people hear from this episode, it's pick one thing. That's it. And Start really small, master that, not that you have to master it, but be consistent with that one thing for a certain amount of time before you start adding on all of these other things. So with that being said, let's talk about running. Oh, you have more? So before we dive into the

Amanda: 39:08

running, which I know I had to know exactly where you're going with this. Other mental skills that's really powerful is you look at week one, but then you zoom out to playing the long game. Another really powerful mental school, mental skill or mental tool is knowing your why. Yes. You and I had a conversation about this of we let the world tell us what our why should be, right? I want to look beautiful. I want to be skinny. I want to do this for my kids. And I actually had this conversation with you of am I'm going to be selfish with this, my why. And I'll read it. My why for me, it's now or never. I'm ready to be strong again and feel good in my body and have more energy in my day when things get really hard. And I go back to my, why do I want those things? Do I want to feel better and have more energy? Absolutely. And back to the comment about like being on the sidelines of the football game. It was this realization of I'm not tired and sluggish because my kids aren't sleeping through the night and I'm busy. I'm tired and sluggish because of my diet and I'm scrolling on my phone till 1am. And that was also a big wake up call for me. Going, yeah, going back and forth between micro goals and then playing the long game. I knew that if I just got that week one to week four, I knew that it would eventually flip over. And my why also helped with that.

Angie: 40:26

How did you know that it was, would eventually flip over just because you've been doing it that this long? It

Amanda: 40:31

goes back to the definition of confidence. I trusted myself that if I just started, I knew I would fall in love with it again, which full disclosure, if any of my former coaches listened to this, The last place AB wanted to be was in the weight room. I dreaded the weight room. I hated the weight room. And now it's like my favorite place to be. And this is a perfect segue for what you want to ask me next. is this curiosity. Yeah. Like this curiosity of like, how strong could I get? How far could I run?

Angie: 41:06

So where did the running come in? Because you and I have been friends for years now and you're like, I'm not a runner. I'm not a runner. This is why it's, taken years to even have you on the podcast because it's like, I'm like, So tell me more like about this running, where did this curiosity come from?

Amanda: 41:21

So before the curiosity comes in, I want you guys to understand that if you don't know the sport of softball from home to first is 60 feet. So for the first 18 years of my life, actually, if you count college, 22 years of my life, all of our coaches said, you only have to run 60 feet. We're not runners. Softball players aren't runners. You just have to sprint to first or, crack a home run and you can just jog around the bases. That's And in college, the most I ever ran was two miles. It was called the Hillcrest Hill, and it was downhill and uphill. So it was like a little scoop in the road. It was a country road. You got to the peak of the hill, and then you had to turn around. That was one mile. You went to this, small town, college. It was somebody's mailbox. So we had to touch their mailbox and run back down this gravel road, and that was two miles. And it's this identity of I don't know why this belief was instilled in me of softball players aren't runners. So therefore I believed it. And there was never a curiosity there because it was forced. Here's your workout, get it done or else here's running a punishment, two miles, get it done. And there was never any fun with that. And for me, there was a definite aversion. Why would I need to hop on a treadmill? Why do I need to run? And you're like what if you did run a half marathon with me? And up until now, it was like, that is not even possible for my body. And hence the curiosity. I remember the first time I hopped on a treadmill during this process, I told myself, cause I go to the gym five days a week, three of those days are lifting. So what am I going to do on the other two days? And I was terrified to go into a group fitness class. after going through a Monday and falling down the stairs. I was like, I am not putting myself in a group fitness class. We are not going to expose myself to that level of embarrassment again. So I hopped on a treadmill by myself, had no idea what I was doing. And I said, okay, I'm just going to walk for 30 minutes. Yep. No incline, just walking. It took me 30 minutes to walk 1. 15 miles. And I was heaving. It was hard. And again, here came, this was Wednesday. So this was day three of this journey. And again, here comes all this shame of you're huffin and puffin to walk a mile in 30 minutes. My PR for a mile in my prime was like 8 something. And again, it was, you helped me to see this of of course. This is where you're at. Just keep using that as a benchmark. And so every Wednesday, Instead of saying I have to go X amount of miles. And even my husband fell into that trap. He's what if you ran a mile or what if you did a mile? And it's what point is that? I wanted to have a, it was like a science experiment for me. So every Wednesday for the past 12 weeks, I tell myself I'm going to be on this treadmill for 30 minutes. And what I found out was this curiosity started to happen of can I beat that? And can I beat that? And can I beat that? And you called me out on this. One of my cross country athletes. One of my clients, she runs cross country and the curiosity comes up again of how far are your cross country meets? Coach, it's a 5k. I'm like, okay, cool. How far is 5k? 3. 1 miles. So here comes the curiosity of I could do two miles. Why not three? So just this, like allowing it to be fun instead of torture or frustration. I genuinely don't dread it. And now I'm to the point where like this last Wednesday, I think I ran two miles without stopping and it didn't matter what the time was. I was really fricking proud of that.

45:06

And

Amanda: 45:06

then I did end up doing a 5k for the first time ever. And I remembered texting you. I'm like, I'm really proud of this. Like this body has never ran in her entire life. More than two miles and I just did three miles and I'm not dying like I am getting stronger. And so The other thing that I think has obviously helped is and again, this goes back to the performance journal I know what I need and I need some pump up music like some 90s some 2000 some Rihanna some Alicia Keys some T Swift And I genuinely am really scared of this runner's high, because I'm really starting to like it.

Angie: 45:54

Look out. Yeah. Look out. But I think, you've tapped into one of my favorite emotions of curiosity to me is one of the most powerful things that we can tap into, especially when it comes to our health and fitness, because curiosity automatically removes judgment, right? So instead of you. That's where you started, right? With the judgment of oh my God, I can't believe 30 minutes, 1. 15 miles. And I'm already huffing and puffing. Our brains just automatically go to judgment, right? And I think that's something that is so important for people to hear. Because a lot of times people think that They're the only ones that have that type of negative self talk. They're, I'm the only one. I remember a client that I worked with years ago and she came into the program and, watched one of our mental training videos and she wrote a comment underneath about how she's I'm 62 years old and I, for my entire life, I thought that the negative voices in my head were just me, like something was wrong with me. I didn't realize that everyone had this, and I was blown away by that. Because, you and I are obviously immersed in this whole world of physical and mental development and personal development, and so it's just yeah, of course, there's this negativity bias, we all have negative voices it just seems so obvious to us, but it's not to most people, and that's the craziest thing, and it's that allowing those negative voices to be there, it's not that you have to fight them, or rewrite them, or make them positive, it's okay, yeah, they're allowed to be there, but what if and I love the what if cause the what if, it just invokes that curiosity, and then you're like, okay, yeah, that was hard, but what if, I could get better. Or I wonder what I could do. This could be fun. What if this was fun? What if I did actually enjoy this?

Amanda: 47:42

So do you remember the comment I made about being stuck to you? Did I text this to you or did I tell you this? I said, I'm stuck at this pace. Do you remember? Yes, I do remember. I'm like two miles. It's like my two mile pace and you're like how many times have you hit that number? Twice! Only two times and I'm already falling into I'm stuck at this level. It's okay, is this what running is like? Is this, are you, hey guys, if you're listening to this and you're like, yes, this is a real thing. I'm only two, two times into this, like running two miles.

Angie: 48:14

Yeah. It's, it was so funny to me because it's but that's where our brain wants to go, right? It's I'm just stuck here. I'm plateaued. Why am I not making progress? And every runner hits that point at, in, in the running journey. Cause when you first start running, I'm too, right? But here's what happens, like, when you first start running, you make all this progress at the beginning, right? It's just naturally what happens. And this is, Kevin and I joke about it all the time with our cross country kids, because it's like, when you get a freshman in the only thing, the only, our job as coaches is to make sure they don't get injured. Make sure that they don't do something stupid, because they're going to naturally get better. And then, you have to actually put some more, not that we don't coach them, because of course we coach them as freshmen too, but, like, When they get older and they've been running for years, then it becomes much more intentional to get them to progress more. But at the beginning of any runner journey, same thing with lifting, right? You're gonna get stronger, you're gonna get, you're gonna get better, and then there's some point where people start to plateau. And they're, like, It's that same pace. It's that same distance. It's that same whatever. And then they're like, oh, I just have to push harder. I just have to keep, doing more. And it's no, it's okay that you've hit the same thing twice now. Twice. Yeah. But I think that's, where that consistency comes in and where that, again, that curiosity of oh, okay. Like it's okay that this is happening and this is where I am. And. What do I need to do to keep progressing, right? It's those questions that you ask yourself that can lead to a lot more clarity.

Amanda: 49:42

But it all goes back to this first domino of the me of a year ago couldn't even fathom even having this conversation with you. I have no business being on the Real Life Runners podcast. You have

Angie: 49:54

every business. I've just been waiting for it.

Amanda: 49:58

I, yeah, I'm so excited. And just I think it, it has me excited to see you in person. I think, every time I came to visit you or we would meet up at a business event, it was like, yeah, Angie's going to get her workout in and I'm just snuggled up in my bed. I'm going to sleep in right at the retreat, at our business conferences. It's definitely the curiosity of I can't help but look over at the person running on the treadmill next to me. Like it's the athlete that's coming back out in me and I literally am looking forward to working out with you when we go to Arizona. And I'm like, Hey, what if I could run on the beach when I come to Florida next time? That's the It's I'm afraid to admit this. That's how scary the curiosity is. It's what am I getting into? It's exciting and scary at the same time. What is Angie going to sign me up for? But what scares you about it? Who am I right? Like it's, I think the brain self sabotages and I know this as a mental performance coach is like. This is new. My brain is going wrong. This isn't you. And so every new level is going to require a new level of identity. And I'm seeing that firsthand. And this has definitely made me a better coach, a better mental performance coach. Yeah. I'm very open and vulnerable. I post this on Instagram and to my stories and I don't sugar coat things. And a lot of my clients and my athletes. are messaging me. And they're like, you have negative thoughts too? I'm like, yeah. I do this work for a living and I still experience these things. Yeah, because you're

Angie: 51:32

always going to. We're never going to get rid of them, and that's what I think, that's one of the biggest myths out there, is that you can just rewire your brain, and then you'll never have these thoughts again. It's not that's not how it works. You're still going to have the thoughts, you just get much better at recognizing them. Recognizing them quicker and then knowing what to do about them, right? And that's what I'm hearing from you is you are taking everything. Like those thoughts keep popping in. They start to get a little bit quieter. They start to get a little bit less frequent. They start to change and to shift a bit into the next level, right? As you move on to the next level of your fitness. But I think that's where it goes back to not only just that one habit, but that identity, right? Of you said it's scary because you're like, who am I now? This is not I would never call myself a runner. Don't even know. That's, Angie's a runner, but I am definitely not a runner. And it's yeah, I do call myself a runner. And it did take me a long time to, to call myself that. You know that as well. I was the same thing. I hated running. Running was punishment. I definitely did not think of myself as a runner. I had Kevin to compare to. Kevin is a runner. Kevin's a real runner, I'm just over here running my little, 5Ks and 10Ks, whatever. But the thing about it is that When I zoomed out what you were talking about before is not only am I a runner and I don't know if maybe This will help you but overall my identity is I'm a strong and healthy person And that's what I always go to and it's as a strong and healthy person I run I lift weights. I eat healthy like I do all of these actions and these habits, right? But when it gets scary, you don't have to like, All of a sudden change your identity into becoming like I'm a runner. I'm a half marathoner because I you will be I know you will be it's going to be fun to run that first half marathon with you. But right now you're just a strong and healthy person and that's right. That's going to lead you to doing those things and to make those things. feel more real. Going back to that, identity has to be real. I'm a strong and healthy person. That's real right now, and and then it can morph into what actions does a strong and healthy person do? There's lots of choices, right? Like obstacle course races, or gravel races, or half marathons, or ultras, or triathlons. There's so many different options. And you can go and do and be whatever you want.

Amanda: 53:48

I have a really good book recommendation that I think is weaved throughout this conversation for those of you that are readers. Trevor Moad is a great inspiration to me. He's since passed, but his book, It Takes What It Takes, talks a lot about the things that we've talked about today where when you create, he calls it your personal ad campaign. Again, it can be called lots of different things. But it's the idea of going back to this, and he talks a lot about the idea of neutral thinking. Of it doesn't have to feel flowery or fake or I am the greatest. It just, it all goes back to your mental ability all comes back to your identity, what you're telling yourself, what you're believing, and just every day, and this is the book title, it takes what it takes. Every day you're making those decisions. Does this align with my choices? Does this align with my identity? And not to, simple doesn't mean easy. Like simple, yes, it's simple, but you still have to do the work. And the first step really is awareness. And for me I've been doing mental performance for the past five to six years. And putting that together with the physical side can I get a redo? Can I go back and play college? What I know now mentally, like I had it all physically. I was a lean, mean, fighting machine. Give me, yeah. Could I do a redo

Angie: 55:16

please? Knowing what I know now, that'd be awesome. I know, but that's why you do what you do now is so that you can help the younger generation to have what you didn't have so that they can elevate even more. And that's a beautiful thing. So good. I, as you guys know I, we could talk, All day about this stuff, which is so fun. But we should probably get to wrapping this up and bring you back for part two down, down the road and get an update. But what do you want to leave us with? Cause we talked about a lot of stuff today. So if you want to leave us with a little summary, one or two things, what do you want to leave us with? Or what have you, have we not talked about that you want to talk about? How do we want to wrap this?

Amanda: 55:58

Yeah, I think it all goes back to stand in your power. And that's been like a personal mantra of mine. Literally everything in life boils down to where's your power in this. And I have a sticky note on my computer. It's lived here for, I don't know how many years. But it's a question that is just a quick little check in. Where am I giving my power away? And. We all do it. And I think once you ask yourself that question, you get to regain your power. Like you are so powerful. If I could shout from the rooftops, I serve a lot of youth athletes, so I'm working with a lot of teenagers. And if I could just like my sole mission in life is to show others How amazing and powerful they already are.

56:51

You

Amanda: 56:52

have everything you need inside of you. And obviously this really hits for teens. But even as adults, like I think somewhere along the lines, we grow up and we just give our power away to the world, to politics, to circumstances and all these things. And it's Like you are so powerful and you don't need anything additional. It's all inside of you. It's just a choice. So if I could just, I would tell my past self that message, I'm going to tell my future self that message. I'm going to tell all my friends and family that message. If I can just inspire one person in this world to regain their power and just Radiate who they were meant to be in this world. That's not just running like that's your

Angie: 57:38

life Absolutely. You've done that for me So you've already hit your one because that's definitely one of the impacts that you've had on my life amongst the many but I agree and I think that just that question Brings awareness right going back to that awareness. So where am I giving my power away? Becoming aware of it is the first step and then that is going to allow you to then make the choice that You One choice like it doesn't have to be 10 choices. It has to be one choice like start doing that one thing. Meet yourself where you are. And then I add on from there. Stand in your power. Amen. Shine your light. All the things. Amen. Thank you so much for joining me today. This has been so fun. Where can our listeners find you and connect with you? Talk a little bit more about who, Do you serve? Who do you help?

Amanda: 58:28

Yeah. So I primarily work with youth athletes. So typically I'll say anywhere from preteen to teen to college, we work with a lot of softball athletes. We do work with other sports. I have a couple of one on one clients, MLB. If you're looking for one on one support, you're looking for a mental skills training program as an athlete. Our program is called the fearless warrior program. It's 12 mental skills that every athlete should know and have in their toolkit. And we're really active on Instagram. So a lot of fun stuff. We have a podcast as well. We post. Motivational quotes and we talk about all the things that we talked about today. So if you want more of that in your algorithm it's at fearlessfastpitch. And I'm sure you'll link it below, but Instagram is the fun place to be. And you can watch my stories. Who knows? I might fall down the stairs again. It's really entertaining. Or, hit that half marathon and we can all celebrate you. So it'll be fun. Girl, I'll be posting about that when

Angie: 59:28

it

Amanda: 59:28

happens.

Angie: 59:28

Not if, when. Oh, there it is. You guys heard it here first. She said it. Not if, but when. I love it. All right. Thanks for being here. And yeah, go connect with Amanda and we will catch you guys on the next episode. See ya.